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How to Kiss Like in

Readers Respond: I Have a Girlfriend But I Think I'm Gay. What Should I Do?

Responses: 21


"I'm 18 and I'm not sure if I'm gay, straight or bi. I have a girlfriend, and we have had sex. Don't get me wrong I do love her, but I have looked around on the internet and I am aroused by men too. Many people think I'm gay, or at least that's what I've heard from rumors around the school. I guess I would have to try something with a guy to know. I'm just not sure what to do. I would like to get some help. I do have some friends that are a part of the gay community, but I don't want to do something that would hurt my girlfriend. I'm just confused and curious to sum it up I guess."

My Best Girl

Hey everyone, well I have this female friend,who I adore, she is every bit a woman,who I love sharing time with,I told her recently that I am gay, and she said i knew you were from day one, But it is ok, I am still your friend,and i love being with you, but you can not go back and forth with your feelings, its not fair to me or your partner,or mate,I would rather see you this way instead of cheating on me with a married woman, which I did once,, and it bothers me as well,I met this great Guy, who I really like, and well we have had a great learning exp from being together,,I do have deep feelings for him..I love being with him ,but I do like being with my female friend as well, she feels alone now, and I want her not to feel this way, so I will always be her friend forever,
—Guest John

busines man

i have a girl but she love me n i love her but she have some one else what can i do to her.
—Guest charlesmwita

:D nice going ?

Better to be "bi" then being gay to ruine your girl friend ^^"
—Guest KissuCake

I'm gay and I have a girlfriend.

well I was gay when I met my girlfriend, and as far as sexual prefrence, my girlfriend is all I ever wanted the sweetest thing in my life, but I was very much gay and not open to the idea of having a woman in my life like that and I get confused but in the opposite way I guess I dont want to hurt her but I love men lol I want that in my life so I'm happy we have toys, you can get a toy and explore your own sexuality without having relations with a man, know yourself before you try to know others, self exploration is a magical and beautiful thing, good luck I hope these things help, its ok to be confused and scared, things will work out. People are out there who are going through similar situations we're here to help.
—Guest cody


I thought, until I was 30 that I was straight w/ a little curisoty toward men. I would have seaid, for sure I would marry a woman some day. I dabbled w/ men in my 20's I liked it but was still sure I was mostly straight, I thought I perfered woman. Until one night I went all out w/ another man. It changed my perception on sexuality as a whole, the more I got into men the less I wanted woman or realized what I really needed. Now I am gay, havent had sex w/ a woman for 7 years. I couldn't be happier or more fulfuled being gay. I would have never thought at 28. Its confusing and u should just take ur time, either way u will end up doing what makes u happy :)
—Guest Ryan

me too

I have a gf.. i love her so much... we'v been together for three years... but i want a guy... leaving my gf for a guy wud destroy her... i dont know what to do...
—Guest chris


I thought I was the only one who had this problem. I came out as bi 2 years ago but lately I have been wondering about myself. I don't get pleasure during sex and I feel for lack of a better term... wrong.
—Guest goth

a girls veiw who was gay now has a man!

ive have male and female relationships, i didn't know if i was gay or strait. my best friend (a man), who is gay too. said to me he likes girls too, but in the long term and future he sees him self married to a woman. thats how i found out i like girls still to this day (picky tho i may be), i love a man want to marry a man. remember u can still be turned on by a guy or gay porn of ether sex, try watching both types of gay porn with your girlfriend, see if she likes it too or if she likes girl on girl? if can appreciate the beauty of the same sex it dose'nt necessarily make you gay! you don't know till u try! you could be gay u could be strait u could like watching it but not doing it with men? x
—Guest sherri


I feel the same way. For the last 5 or 6 years, I have been watching gay porn and i get really turned on by men. The problem is, I have always wanted a girlfriend. I have had sexual fantasies about girls but, most of the time, they are about men. I don't know if I am gay, bi, or straight. I think it is just a matter of experimenting with both sexes and then seeing what you like best.
—Guest :O

what to do...

i personally think you should ask your gf does she want a 3 sum with another man involved.... so then you're not hurting your girlfriends feelings and nobody gets hurt :)
—Guest indestructible

what to do

maybe try hookin up with another dude that has the same thoughts and see what happens... maybe a older dude. thats what I did and now have a boyfriend and know I'm gay!
—Guest randy

I know exactly how you feel....

...but with me it's the other way round. I was gay and had a boyfriend of 4 years. But then I came across this girl who everyone liked - me included. At the time, I didn't really think much of it, but we grew friendlier and eventually shared a kiss. That's when I realised I wasn't gay. I told my boyfriend, and said to him "these last 4 years have been amazing" (they had) "but I don't think I'm gay. Don't get me wrong, I still like you, and I'd value your friendship - but I'm not gay." Of course, that didn't go down to well, and we broke up and I started dating this girl. That was 6 months ago, and I'm now beginning to think, that if my ex-boyfriend wasn't OK with who I am, then maybe he was the wrong person for me, even if I was still gay. That's my advice. Talk to your girlfriend - tell her how you feel about being gay. If she says "that's fine - but can we still be friends?" - BINGO! If she doesn't...then maybe she wasn't the right person for you in the first place.
—Guest Jack

Been, there done that, have the memories

I had a girlfriend too, for about a good 6 months, but before that and at the same time I was having erotic fantasies involving men (sometimes even my sister's boyfriend!) and also went around into the deep, dark recesses of the internet and found some porn. That turned me on, much more so than she did, so I would fantasize about being with men when I was with her. I finally got tired of lying to her and thinking that I was making her happy by being with her. I was not, and in fact, I was hurting her by trying to make her happy. So I suggest being honest with yourself, and if you really are gay, the world does not stop spinning. Life goes on. Trust me, I've been there, done that, and I have the traumatic memories to prove it. But I'm still here, the same person that I was before I started liking guys. It'll be alright. I wish you luck!
—Guest Guest

Don't panic

Firstly, you should think about whether or not your girlfriend will be okay with the fact that you are questioning your sexaulity in the midst of your relationship. Then discuss it with her, tell her your worries, your reasons and your feelings, also try viewing some homo-erotic pornography and see how that goes. Depending on how it turns out, try something with a male; don't just jump into male to male sex, but try the basics, a kiss and grope here and there and see how you feel about it. Remember no matter the result, it is okay and does not change who you are. Best of Luch
—Guest Liam


I also think I'm bi but I have a girlfriend but Im love guys.
—Guest Joe

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