Having Sex for the First Time
A lot of gay teens have questions about having sex for the first time. Two common ones are:
The answer to both questions is much the same as it is for heterosexual people: by being sexually intimate with someone else.
Everyone has a different definition of "sex." Many people think that the word sex only refers to penile / vaginal intercourse. This is a very limited description which excludes GLBT people.
The idea of virginity is kind of an old fashioned one that often views a woman's hymen as a way to measure if she has had sex or not.
But looking at virginity in this way doesn't always include GLBT people (not to mention men!).
If you, like many people, feel that vaginal, anal and oral sex, all "count" as sex, then it would make sense that GLBT folks lose their virginity like hetero people do, by having sex with another person for the first time.
Oral sex refers to using your mouth on a partner's genitals.
On a guy this is called fellatio. A lot of people also use slang terms like blow job or giving head.
On a girl it's called cunnilingus. People may also say they "went down" on someone.
There is no one way to have oral sex. So if you are nervous about "doing it right" one of the best things you can do is talk to your partner. Asking what he or she likes, and talking about the situation might seem awkward, but it is really the most likely way to make sure you have a positive experience.
Anal sex refers to having sex play involving the anus. Some people have anal intercourse. Others uses toys or fingers anally.
Like oral sex, it is really important to practice safer sex and to use condoms when having anal sex. That's because anal sex can easily pass STDs including HIV.
When it comes to anal sex you should always take your time and stop if anything feels uncomfortable. Plus, it is a good idea to use lube because the anus generally doesn't produce enough of its own to reduce painful friction. Read more anal sex tips.
Despite the fact that we generally associate vaginal sex with hetero couples, some GLBT teens' first experinces with sex will be vaginal.
This might be the case if a teen is bisexual and their first partner is someone of the opposite gender.
But teens who are gay, lesbian or transgender may also have vaginal sex. This may occur if a teen is questioning his or her orientation. It can also happen if a teen hasn't come out yet, or is just experimenting.
So it's important to know a few things about vaginal sex.
One is that like anal sex it is really important to go slow the first time and to use a lot of lube! When having vaginal sex it is also smart thinking to practice safe sex to avoid STDs and to use birth control so that you aren't hit with the challenges of an unintended pregnancy. Luckily condoms are good on both counts!
Manual Stimulation, Body Rubbing & Sex Toys
There are lots of ways to have sex that don't involve penetration. Body rubbing, manual stimulation (which just means using your hands on a partner) and sex toys are all things teens may try out the first time they have sex.
All these activities are considered lower risk for STDs than are anal, vaginal or oral sex.
But as with any other type of sex play, communication is key because what works for one person might not work for another.
You should know, however, that depending on where you live, it might actually be against the law for you to purchase a sex toy if you are underage!
Safe (or safer) sex refers to anything someone does to reduce the risk of STDs. This can mean avoiding certain high risk activities, like unprotected anal or vaginal sex. Or it can mean deciding to use a barrier like a dam or condom.
Another way to be safe is to get tested regularly for STDs. This includes having regular HIV tests.
So now that you have a lot of information about the technical side of sex, hopefully it will be easier to make a decision about whether you are ready to have sex for the first time.
It can be really helpful to ask yourself questions like:
- Do I want to be in a relationship before I have sex?
- Do I think I might feel different about my partner after having sex?
- How do I think sex will affect my relationship?
- Am I having sex to make someone my boyfriend or girlfriend?
- What if having sex ends my relationship?
- Am I having sex because I'm worried that my partner will break up with me if I don't?
- Am I comfortable telling my partner my likes and dislikes?
- Would I feel comfortable telling my partner if something didn't feel good?
- If something goes wrong or I have an emergency, do I have an adult who I can talk to?
Gay teens have a lot on their plates and while these questions are a lot of food for thought, it never hurts to think about the pros and cons of becoming sexually active before you actually find yourself in bed with someone.