How can gay, lesbian and bisexual teens tell if their relationships are healthy? A good way to start is by seeing if they meet eight important criteria on this healthy relationship checklist.
Respect. Do you feel like your partner respects you? Do you respect your partner? Do you appreciate each other? Does he or she encourage and support you and basically think you are awesome?
Support. Speaking of support, that is an important quality all by itself. Does your partner have your back, stick with you when the going gets rough and understand the challenges you are facing?
Trust. This one is something that a lot of people overlook, but it's a biggie. While it is normal to get a little jealous sometimes, trusting a partner means that you don't let your own issues overshadow the trust you have in a relationship. Trusting partners aren't always looking for holes in each other's stories, nor do they imagine cheating at every turn.
Honesty. You know that stuff about trust? Well it is a lot easier to be trusting if partners are telling each other the truth. Now that doesn't mean you are on a path to destruction if you pretend to like your bf's ugly new shirt, or compliment your gal's cooking when it stinks. But in honest relationships, partners don't need to lie about things like where they've been, and who they are hanging out with.
Equality. Relationships should be a balance where both people have an equal say. One person doesn't always get to pick the movie, hang out with their group of friends or generally make all the decisions. Plus, in equal relationships, one person doesn't "win" all the fights or blame the other person for every problem that arises.
Independence. You know those couples who do EVERYTHING together? That might seem kind of cute for a while, but really one of the ways to have a successful relationship is to be allowed and encouraged to grow in new directions with the support of your partner. That doesn't mean that a boyfriend or girlfriend can't turn you on to new things. But it also means that you have the freedom to try out things that your partner has no interest in--say interpretive dance, horror movies, or volunteering.
Communication. Can you tell your partner when something is upsetting you? Do you feel like your fights are fair? What about when things are going well, do you talk openly about your lives, laugh and cry together? The ability to communicate about the good times and bad in a relationship will help strengthen your bond and ensure you are on more solid footing when tough issues come up.
Compatibility. Does your partner "get" you? Do you like spending time with each other? Do have any shared interests? It's important not to forget the "friend" part of boyfriend and girlfriend!
While dating can be hard for anyone, there are specific challenges for GLBT teens. One of the biggest issues is the simple fact that meeting other gay teens is no easy feat in a lot of places. As a result, gay teens might find themselves "settling" for a partner that isn't really good for them. If you think that might be happening to you, consider what you are getting from your relationship and if it is really worth it. Everyone deserves a healthy relationship with trust, communication, support, honesty, respect, equality, independence and compatibility, and gay teens are no exception.
