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How Do You Get a Boyfriend?

A Common Question from Gay Teens

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gay couple

A lot of gay teens wonder how to get a boyfriend.

Image (c) Kristie Wells

A lot of gay teens want to be in relationships and it is common for them to ask the question: "How can I get a boyfriend?"

For example, a gay teen from Louisiana wrote:

"I'm bi but I'm really not interested in dating girls right now. I just had three heartbreaking relationships in a row. I really want a boyfriend. No bi / gay guys around here. I'm 16 and live in South Louisiana. I'm ok with long distance and I'm really really attracted to goth and emo guys."

Matthew, a 15-year-old from Canada is in a similar boat. He explains:

"I am sick and tired of being alone all the time. I seriously really need a boyfriend. I always try and go out and find love. So much so, that I stooped down so low that I was almost going to go out with this guy that only wanted my body, not me. He didn't say it directly but I knew. Thank God I didn't.

For one Australian teen, the problem has been holding different expectations than the guys he is meeting. He says:

 

"I'm so sick and tired of meeting guys online who don't want a relationship. I want a boyfriend so much right now. I don't know what I have to do. The internet seems to be the only avenue to find other gay people."

These are just a few examples of guys looking for boyfriends taken from the many, many teens who have been posting on the GLBT teen forum about wanting a relationship.

So what can these guys and others who want a boyfriend do about it? As you probably know, there is no "one-size-fits-all" formula for finding a boyfriend. But there are some tips that can help the relationship-minded teen get his guy.

Tips for Getting a Boyfriend

  1. Come out. If you are not out, then it is going to be a lot harder to meet guys who are gay. Plus, being out shows a certain level of confidence and confidence is really attractive to a lot of people.
  2. Go for guys who are also out. First of all, when your crush is openly gay, you at least know that he could be interested in you. Second, if you do get together, you won't have to worry about hiding your relationship.
  3. Go for a guy who might like you back. Sometimes teens have huge crushes on people who are just never going to be a real possibility. Your homophobic classmate, straight crush, the guy with a serious boyfriend, or your gym teacher are not really who you should be setting your sights on if what you truly want is a boyfriend..
  4. Put yourself out there. Start a gay / straight alliance. Or join a soccer team or the film club. Just do something so that you are forced to meet more people than the ones you already know.
  5. Understand the difficulties of dating online. A lot of guys find their boyfriends online, and the Internet is a great tool for gay teens. But meeting someone over the Internet, will be a little different than meeting someone in person. For example, a lot of people cast a wide net when trying to meet someone online and it is possible that the guy who seems so interested in getting to know you is also sending those messages to a bunch of other people. Plus, while people don't always represent themselves honestly in real life, it is in some ways easier to claim to be someone you aren't when you don't meet in person.
  6. Don't expect someone to become your boyfriend overnight. Most people spend some time dating and getting to know a potential partner before they decide to move into boyfriend mode.

Now you might do all of this and still not have a boyfriend right away. Please don't beat yourself or get too gloomy if that happens. A lot of teens of all sexual orientations want relationships and for some kids, it just happens sooner than it does for others.

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