What Does it Mean to Be Heteroflexible?

What does heteroflexible mean? According to UrbanDictionary, the term refers to "a person who identifies as primarily heterosexual but who can find the same sex sexually appealing." The term has steadily gained in use over the years. The online dating, friendship and social networking site OkCupid added "heteroflexible" to its choices for identifying one's sexuality in 2014.

What Does It Mean to Be Heteroflexible?

A heteroflexible person is someone who is straight but who has a queer sensibility. He may have a lot of gay friends, might identify with the gay and lesbian culture, and might even work for gay and lesbian rights — but he's straight, at least when he's not feeling attracted to someone of the same sex. 

Heterosexual vs. Bisexual 

But wait, isn't that basically what being bisexual means? Yes and no. Bisexuals are attracted to both genders, if not equally — that's usually not the case — then at least they're consistently attracted by more than one gender. Someone who is heteroflexible might feel the urge for someone of the same sex only occasionally. He is predominantly heterosexual and exhibits a greater preference for partners of the opposite sex. He may not even act on his attraction to a same-sex partner. It might be just a feeling he sometimes experiences without taking that feeling to the next level, and if he does take it to the next level, the experience may not actually be sex but just kissing and/or making out. 

Basically, being heteroflexible is a version or variation of being bisexual. 

Some Opinions 

In an interview response to her song "I Kissed a Girl," Katy Perry explained, "I'm not a lesbian. I encourage anybody to try anything, just make sure you have integrity and character. It doesn't matter who anyone loves. I am for gay rights and I also have a boyfriend." Given that Perry probably isn't the only one who has had this type of experience and who feels like this, maybe it is useful to have a catchall term.

A reader explained, "I’m sixteen and heteroflexible? Or maybe not. I’ve never really identified with the term bisexual, but I’m attracted to both sexes and have had a girlfriend for a blissful period of months, and would LOVE to find a girl to be with now, so what does that make me? People say regardless of what I want to be called, liking boys and girls makes me bi, but if there’s such a thing as heteroflexible [that's how I'd identify.]"

Debate Over the Term 

Of course, there is some debate over the term heteroflexible. Some people think it is a perfectly legitimate way to describe oneself, while others are concerned that people who might otherwise identify as bisexual would rather say that they're heteroflexible because it is less "loaded." But isn't this their right? There's no one consensus, so for now it is probably best, to just go with the term you're most comfortable with!