How Do I Come Out to My Friend Crush?

Question: How Do I Come Out to My Friend Crush?

A college student who has come out to some friends in her social circle now wants to come come out to a girl she is crushing on. But how this friend will react is uncertain! Here is some information on having a friend crush and coming out.

Answer:

Should you come out and share a friend crush? A bisexual college student writes:

"So being in college has finally helped me come to terms with my sexuality. I am tired of being only half of me and showing people what they want to see. So I decided to start coming out to my close friends to start with. Here at school there are five of us that are really close: me, my roommate, and two other friends. Right now I have only told my roommate and one of my friends. They really didn't care that much and don't treat me any different. Which leaves the last two of my friends. One of them I am pretty positive won't care. The other one just recently told me that she is bi-curious and flirts with me all the time. I don't think she knows that I am bi or that I have a friend crush on her. But I know that my friends should know at least. I am just conflicted on how or if I should tell them."

Congratulations on coming out to some of your friends! This is a pretty big step and it is really encouraging that it went so smoothly.

But of course, it is different coming out to a friend who you are crushing on. So I wouldn't advise coming out and revealing your crush in the same breath.

Coming out can make you feel very exposed. So can sharing romantic feelings. So it is really important to think about whether you are also ready to be open about both issues.

Why don't you try coming out to this girl and see how she reacts. You say that she has talked about being bi-curious and seems flirty. So it is by no means impossible that she is also crushing on you.

Coming out and sharing that you are crushing on someone both involve taking risks. Often taking risks is the best way to experience new things, have positive experiences and feel like you are living an authentic life. But there are also dangers, and preparing for possible negative outcomes can help you if things don't go exactly as you hoped.

Have you thought about how you would feel if she reacted badly, or even if she reacted well to your coming out, but simply didn't return your crush? Thinking about this in advance can help you determine if revealing a crush or coming out is the best thing for you to do.

Here is some more information that might help you:

Coming Out

How Do I Know When to Come Out?

Even if you are comfortable announcing your sexual orientation, deciding when and how to come out can be tough. The most important thing to do is to make sure that you will be safe. Knowing that you have someone to support you can also make a huge difference in your experience.

The Coming Out Process

Professionals have identified a number of different stages of the typical coming out process. They are coming out to yourself and the self realization of being GLBT, telling people close to you that you are GLBT, connecting with other GLBT individuals and the gay community, feeling good about your sexual orientation or gender identity and coming out publicly to the larger world.

Crushes

How to Handle Gay Teen Crushes

If you're like most teens you'll have a crush at some point. But whether you have a friend crush, a straight crush, or even a teacher crush, dealing with the fact that you are crushing one someone can be challenging.

How Can I Get Over My Straight Crush?

Have you ever had a crush on someone straight? If so you sure aren't alone. Almost 1000 teens have shared their experiences about having a crush on someone straight on this site. But while this is really common, in reality it is also really unlikely to turn into something romantic.

GLBT Teen Flirting Tips

Really, there is no one way to flirt that is sure to work all the time. People have to develop their own way of showing they are interested in someone else. But keeping a few things in mind can help you show someone you are interested.