From the article: Staying Friends with an Ex
Breaking up is rarely fun. Neither is figuring out what to do after a relationship is dead and buried. Do you cut your ex off completely? Try to stay friends? Hook-up from time to time?
There's no one answer that works for everyone. But for gay teens there is often an added complication: your ex might be one of the few people who you are out to or who supported you for being gay. Add that to the fact that you simply might not know a lot of GLBT teens, and the option to totally break off communication an ex often becomes a tricky one. As a result of lot of gay teens stay friends with someone they used to date. Share Your Thoughts:
my experience
- As i believe i saw stated earlier, as long as it wasn't to bad a breakup, id try to stay friends. i dated a man for a year and 3 months. He stated he was ruining my life and was never in love with me and he was already dating another man. Things like this you can't successfully stay friends, it just hurts to much to talk to that person. it makes you think of all the time you spent with them
- —Cody6592
Don't burn your bridges
- I don't have much experience with this, never even having a boyfriend (or girlfriend, for that matter) to break up with, but I'd think that unless it ended rather poorly, it would be best to keep the friendship going. You obviously liked the person well enough at one point to try for something more, so it would not be surprising if some degree of friendship remained after the split. If you did truly break up, though, there was some barrier to a long-term relationship, and a second try would likely not turn out any better. If a later boy/girlfriend complains, remind them of this and tell them—if it's true—that you may have enjoyed that relationship while it lasted but you have no desire to repeat something that is going to end in a second heartbreak. They will hopefully understand the difference between friendship and attraction, but I would still be considerate of their feelings and not flirt with your ex, etc. Be more careful than you would with anyone you've never been involved with.
- —Guest Sam
dating your best friend
- dating your best friend is cool and all but it will hart more when you break up will him or her.
- —Guest kenneth
complications
- It's complicated. I love her and the baby girl. We were friends at first but still who wants to be back n friend zone. I want her in my life tho,I trying she just irresistible. I love her dearly. broken heart Im dne with love.
- —Guest cj
Sucks..
- It really sucks... I'm sort of sensitive and usually am the break-ee not the breaker. Bt even when I am I always try and keep a friendly connection and I'm friend with all of my exs. Sure it gets awkward from time to time, but we tuff it out and try to keep things going, even as friends. And with the fact that most of the people I date aare straight and the gay or bisexual people I date I always help them no matter how our relationship or friendship was, to me it wouldn't be right to leave someone hanging there alone for something that should be kept in the past and not helping them..
- —travie767
Trying...
- My ex gf and I have just started talking again after 2 years. It was a really hard break for both of us. I am finding it really hard because I still have feelings for her. She is married now and I would like to get to know her wife. I have straight friends that I have had major crushes on and we have worked through it so I just have to look at this situation as another impossible crush and try to save the friendship. I think... :(
- —Guest Kelly
It is so difficult
- it has passed only 3 weeks, and I'm supposed to be friends with my ex... he is 26 years older than me... I'm 21... and it is so hard to keep talking, emailing each other... Every time I think about him I cry.. but I want him in my life coz he has been very important... but I still have this being betrayed feeling... People say time heals wounds... hope so too
- —Guest brokenheartedboy
Get back together
- My bf just left me this past friday, and didnt tell me why. He refuses to tell me. I am going to get to the bottom of this. If this is happening to you, investigate, and get back together.
- —Guest Risico
Depends
- I recently broke uo with my gf but we were already best friends. I think we survived the breakup because of this. Im not sure if we would have if it was a strictly meet then date relationship. btw go with your heart (unless it has a history of being stupid)
- —Guest Hannah
Ex's For Friends...
- I broke up wit my bf of 2 years, and I hated him because of the way he treated me. A year later, after running into him, I realized that he had changed and grown up a lot. I missed him and never wanted to break up in the first place. We still talk and get together from time to time and occasionally hook up. Although I have to say that there are very few ex's I would do that with, but I've kept several ex's as friends. I guess I'm just picky about who I keep in my life.
- —Guest Ross
NO!
- No matter what you tell yourself, staying friends with an Ex is ALWAYS a bad idea. It just makes your life unnecessarily complicated. Do yourself a favor and RUN! Don't listen to your heart, listen to your head. This is coming from one of the most frighteningly positive romantics on the face of this planet.
- —Guest A
Friendship
- It's hard to be honest. I broke up with my ex last spring, and I know it broke her heart. We don't talk anymore, but that's because she lied and cheated on me. So I have to say, it really depends on why you broke up.
- —Guest Kavla
ex"s pointless if they hurt or dumped u
- I got hurt with my first lesbian lover...when i got with her i came out to family and friends and she was basically like the only lesbian person that i knew..so i thought maybe jus having her as a friend so i wont feel lonely or feel stressed or depressed because that person that was once there when i came out is not there anymore..but i decided to be strong and cut her off completely, u dont deserve my friendship after hurting me..i told myself im going to move on i dont wish her no harm but i dont want her in my life..i carry grudges so me and her wont work out anyways.. so now i have a few friends,,and lookin forward to dating soon..ex's serves no purpose if you been hurt, maybe to them so they wont feel so guilty cause u are still in there lives..move on, people come and go all the time.
- —Guest shonda
It Takes Time
- I think it's a great idea to remain friends with your ex. After all, if you liked them enough to date them, you should hopefully like them enough to be their friend. But it takes time. Usually, getting some distance from your ex for a few months or even a year can help you reconnect in the future.
- —Guest Langford
The more friends the better!!
- I've had my share of breakups. But I have to say, since the gay community around here is very large ex's being friends almost never happens. I don't really understand it. My ex and I were friends since we were arund 9 or so and now she won't look me in the eye :/ I'd like to be friends tho. My advice for anyone is to not lose contact if it's a mutual breakup. If you liked them enough to date, I'm guessing you have a shot at being bigs :P
- —Guest Carla
Friends is Fine
- I usually stay friends with my ex's; just because we didn't work out as a couple doesn't make our friendship null and void. Unless its a particularly bad break up, I keep them as friends. :)
- —Guest James
