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Readers Respond: In Gay Relationships, What Counts as Cheating?

Responses: 14


Where do you draw the line? Is flirting okay? What about kissing? Weigh in with your thoughts bout what counts as cheating in gay relationships here!

The Couple Should Define Cheating

I'm currently in an openly gay relationship. We haven't been together long (1 month& 6 days.) but we're VERY open to eachother. That's one thing I can say we have: good communication. Anyway, we know that sexual activity is going to happen in our future, not yet though. We're currently in the, "We both want to wait." "phase" Anyway, I was told that before we go to the next level in our relationship we should sit down and talk about what I define as cheating and what my boyfriend defines as cheating. It really opened both our eyes and we learned a lot about eachother. Now we both know what our limits are when it comes to being around other guys and I can honestly say that talk made our relationship stronger. So, I definitely think the couple themselves should talk about what each person involved in the relationship defines as cheating. Don't listen to what other people say, because you never know what your boyfriend/girlfriend defines as cheating. Take the first step and do it. :]
—Guest Aaron

Sharing a Bed with best friend

Sharing a bed is absolutely not crossing the line as long as things stay mutual everything is okay unless things get sexual.
—Guest Brandon


I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years... I'm 23 and he is 43.. I know he has honesty issues due to living in the closet or whatever... I've noticed many things that make raise my speculation of his faith fulness. In the beginning of our relationship on his birthday his friends wanted to take him out to strip clubs but I wasnt 21 at the time so I couldn't go. I begged him to not go and be with me but he told me they weren't going to strip club and I don't believe him to this day... So being 18 or so and feeling betrayed by him I met someone online to be with while he went out to gay strip clubs where you can do whatever you can afford... I had heard his stories from previous experiences so I got revenge. I know it wasn't right but at the time I didn't realize how much I was in love. So the next week I had sent a text to the guy and I left my phone where he could see it by mistake and he read our texts and made me feel guilty and depressed since he only went to dance clubs... I've
—Guest Steven


I think when u have to hide something from ur partner that's a form of cheating.
—Guest the dom

just read your in there

for straight kissing touching etc. someone your not dating. for gay/lesbian same as straight for bi you should see what your gf or bf says about you dating someone of (their) opposite gender.
—Guest lolz


Anything you do with your partner: kissing, flirting, etc.
—Guest Danni

Cheating is....

Cheating is doing anything with someone else that you would not tell your partner.
—Guest vIC

Same as Straight

I think that anything a straight couple would count as cheating is cheating in a gay relationship. I honestly don't see how there is any difference, if someone says they love you, then how could they go and flirt/kiss/sleep with/et cetera with someone else. I really don't see how it makes any sense. But I do think that if they come clean and admit and apologize (sincerely) for it, I think cheating once can be forgiven, but if they do it again or try to hide it or anything, I couldn't forgive them.
—Guest Jordan


i think anything you dont want to tell your boyfriend or your girlfriend that you did is kind of cheating. like maybe even is nothing really happened but they ask you who you were hanging out with and you don't say, or lie thats kind of one way to cheat.
—Guest dolphin94

Lots of things

I think cheating can be done in different ways, emailing people in a sexual or "friendly" way when you already have a boyfriend, kissing, hugging and sexual things with someone else... I think watching live porn like cams and all that stuff is cheating... watching amateur porn also and things like that... a wide range of things can be done and can be called cheating... WHY? I ask myself, why someone who says that loves you can cheat on you??? isn't that weird? if someone loves you, he or she respects you in every single way... it is sad people don't value what they have sometimes...
—Guest borkenheartedboy

Physical Contact

In my own opinion, I usually avoid doing anything more than the ocassional hug or kiss on the cheek. Say you do like another person and yet, your already in a relationship. It's probablly better off to just let them know that it's not going to work out (in your own words of course :P). And then theres the occassional "they cheated on ME, so MWAHAHAHA REVENGE!!! No. Just no. Don't stoop to that level no matter what. Be fair and honest with your partner, even if you aren't planning on staying with her or him much longer. Honesty is the best policy, weather it's overly cheesy or not.
—Guest Maddie

Anything done behind your back.

If your partner is doing something behind your back i would consider it cheating. One thing I have noticed with my gay, lesbian and bi friends is that the way they cheated was that, one partner wanted more but didn't want to leave their partner. But always their partner who didn't want more doesn't want to have a treesome or just get freaky with another person, and then that's when it starts. I dont think homosexuals are the ones who cheat the most, I've seen many straight people who have loose morals.
—Guest Bryan

I did it.

When I was with my first boyfriend, I started to fall in love with one of my girl friends. We kept up a relationship behind his back, kissing and touching. Perhaps, had we been straight, this wouldn't have happened (I mean to say I probably wouldn't have cheated with anyone). Bisexuals are often called sluts, but I think it's just a really blurred line when you're with someone of the same gender, especially for bi people like myself.
—Guest Cathy Andy


Well, Im not really one to talk about cheating. Im not much of a dater, just because of the fact that I feel the need to sleep with more than one person. I guess if I were to date someone I would want to be faithful, flirting is okay...but kissing and anything past that is cheating. I honestly think that homosexuals are ones who cheat the most. I dont know why but I just do. I dont know. Ive never put myself in this type of situation.
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