A lot of folks wonder how gay people lose their virginity. In part, this is because there has been a long standing association between virginity and a woman's hymen.
The hymen is the thin piece of skin that lies over the opening of a woman's vagina. Though it can be stretched during vaginal sex, it can also be stretched masturbating, during other types of sex play, doing gymnastics, riding a bike or a horse, or even using a tampon.
Using the hymen as a measure of virginity isn't an accurate way to determine this for a few reasons:
- If a hymen is the test then how could a man ever lose his virginity?
- There are many non-sexual ways to stretch they hymen.
- Doing so excludes any sex act that doesn't involve a vagina.
So keeping this in mind, it would stand to reason that GLBT folks lose their virginity like straight people do, by having sex with another person.
Here is one teen lesbian's take on the question of how gay and lesbian people lose their virginity:
"There's such a debate on whether gay people lose their virginity or not (especially lesbians) if they only have sex during their lifetime with the same sex. Of course we do! It's so stupid to think that you can only lose your virginity though heterosexual intercourse, I mean, you wouldn't think of someone that had only had oral sex as a virgin would you!?
Personally, I think you can lose your virginity through any form of sex / making love (I prefer the term making love, I'm such a girl!) whether it be intercourse, oral, anal, gay, lesbian etc.
But I think that a lot of sex education, and a lot of doctors, don't believe this, and think that anything other than straight intercourse doesn't count as having sex / making love."
Some people criticize the whole notion of virginity. As one reader writes:
"I think the term “virginity” is stupid. And the idea of losing anything when you’re intimate with someone is preposterous. At least, it shouldn’t be like that."
But for many people, the concept of virginity is a big one, whether they are trying to hold on to it, or get rid of it as soon as possible, both which are really common experiences for teens. For example, Jawn says:
"I hate my virginity, it is like a tumor or something, I want it to be gone. Point is, I want to loose my virginity but I honestly don't care who it is lost too...as long as they are MILDLY attractive."
Trackstar feels really differently. He says,
"The virginity thing, it's kinda like, yeah I really want to do it, but for me, I want it to be with a person I have some feelings for."
Really, virginity, and how you feel about it, is a really personal thing for gay and lesbian teens, but no matter what you believe, it is important to remember that sex between people of the same sex is just as "real" as is sex between opposite sex partners.