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How Long Should I Wait to Have Sex With My Girlfriend


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Question: How Long Should I Wait to Have Sex With My Girlfriend
A lesbian teen in a new relationship asks how long she should wait to have sex with her girlfriend, saying "I've been with my girlfriend for about a month and we've kissed, but not really anything else. I had sex with my ex but I think it was too soon and kind of messed things up between us. How long should I wait to go further now"?

It's true that sex can change a relationship. That's why it's generally best to make sure teens are in healthy relationships before having sex. But the question of how long into a relationship couples "should" have sex is going to be different in every situation.

About's Guide to Dating

  • 8% said, I don't wait.
  • 11% said, By the third date,
  • 30% said, Within the first month.
  • 24% said, By the three month mark.
  • 10% said, Around six months, give or take.
  • 3% said, When we get engaged.
  • 9% said, My wedding day.

Now most of these respondents were adults, not teens and obviously, gay couples don't have the same option to wait for marriage when same sex marriage is not legal in most places.

That being said, the main thing that the poll shows is that there is a lot of variation among what people do.

To help you make a decision about when and if you want to have sex with your girlfriend, it could be helpful to ask yourself some questions.

Here are a few helpful ones:

  • Do you think you might feel different about your girlfriend after having sex? Are you comfortable with that? What if she feels differently about you?
  • How do you think sex will affect your relationship?
  • What if having sex ends your relationship?
  • Are you having sex because you are worried that your partner will break up with you if you don't?
  • Do you know how to practice safer sex?
  • Do you feel comfortable seeing a health care provider and getting tested or treated for STDs?
  • What is your definition of sex and what types of sex play are you comfortable with?
  • Are you comfortable telling your partner your likes and dislikes?
  • Would you feel comfortable telling your partner if something didn't feel good?
  • If something goes wrong or you have an emergency, do you have an adult who you can talk to?

You might find some of the questions hard to answer. That's perfectly normal. But it might be a sign that you aren't ready for a sexual relationship right now.

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