"I went to a fair with a straight guy friend. We were talking about how pretty a lot of the women were and he obviously knows that I'm also into women. But then I also have a friend who's gay that I also met at the fair. He's really, really cool, but when I saw him while I was with my straight friend, that guy was looking funny while I was with my gay friend. When he left, my straight friend said. "I don't like that guy." I was like, "Why?" He said, "Because he's gay." I didn't know what to think about that. He was fine with me checking out other women, but not cool with the gay guy."
This sounds really uncomfortable and painful. There are a few explanations for what happened. You say that your straight friend "obviously" knows you like other girls. But are you sure? Because there are stricter rules in society about how men and women can act, a straight woman is more likely to say something like, "Wow that girl is hot," than is straight guy is to say, "Wow, that guy is hot." So your friend might not have realized that there might be genuine interest behind your comments.
Of course, your friend might simply be more comfortable with you being a lesbian than he is with your other friend being a gay guy. Some people are threatened by gay men in a way they aren't by lesbians. There is a theory that this occurs due to a combination of sexism and inaccurate beliefs about what it means to be gay. Many people mistakenly think that lesbians are acting like men and that gay men are acting like women. For people wrapped up in this idea and who think being female is inferior to being male, it can shake up their whole world view to believe that a man would want to act like a woman. Yet these people can kind of understand that a woman would want to act like a man. Messed up, I know.
Lastly, sometimes people who are homophobic "make exceptions" for GLBT people they get to know and say things like, "Well, I'll hang out with so-and-so because she's not like other lesbians." Maybe that's what is going on with your friend.
Really, there is no way to know exactly why your friend said what he did without asking. That is something you may or may not feel comfortable doing.
Check out these ideas to help teens deal with homophobic friends...
