When most of what you learn about sex comes from the Internet, the idea of jumping into the sack for the first time can be nerve-wracking!
A gay teen wrote in saying,
"I'm 16. I'm gay but haven't come out just yet. I've also never have had sex before. I've never even kissed any guys (I hooked up with a girl once but that's another story). The only thing I know about having sex is from what I see on the Internet. I'm really nervous to perform oral sex and have sex. How do people learn how to do everything? Also how do you meet other gay teens? I really don't know any other gay / lesbian/ bi people. Help!
In this day and age a lot of kids learn about sex online and while there is a lot of good information out there, there is also a lot of really awful stuff. And that's even if you aren't stumbling across porn.
Of course, if you do encounter porn, it is crucial to know that it does not typically portray sex accurately. Here are a few differences between the sex you might see in pornography and the sex the average person has with a partner:
- Guys in porno movies often have really large penises. Women in pornography are generally very slender, but have really big breasts and shaved pubic hair.
- People in porn hardly ever talk about sex, but they somehow seem to know each other's needs and have mind-blowing orgasms.
- Condom use and safe sex are rarely a part of porn.
- The things people do in porn may be similar to what people do in real life, but often sex acts are really exaggerated.
As to how people learn how to have sex, really, there is no one way. Some people get to know their own likes and dislikes through masturbating. Others try to teach themselves about sex or ask people who are sexually active about their experiences.
When the time comes, you can also talk to a partner about everything from how they like to have sex, to being safe. This might seem awkward at first, but talking about the situation is the best way to make sure you have a positive experience.
There is also the issue of knowing when you are actually ready to have sex.
Here are some questions that can help you answer that:
- Do I want to be in a relationship before I have sex?
- Do I think I might feel different about my partner after having sex?
- How do I think sex will affect my relationship?
- Am I having sex to make someone my boyfriend or girlfriend?
- What if having sex ends my relationship?
- Am I having sex because I'm worried that my partner will break up with me if I don't?
- Am I comfortable telling my partner my likes and dislikes?
- Would I feel comfortable telling my partner if something didn't feel good?
- If something goes wrong or I have an emergency, do I have an adult who I can talk to?
As to how to meet other queer teens, you have a few options. You can try to find other gay teens locally, or you can use the Internet to make connections with LGBT teens from all over. And while there are certain precautions you should take, both online or off, meeting people who get you, can be done.