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How Do You Get a Girlfriend?

A Common Question from Lesbian Teens

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How Do You Get a Girlfriend?

What is something a lot of lesbian teens want to know? Easy: "How can I get a girlfriend?"

As one teen writes:

"I am 16, and I will be 17 in a couple of months and I STILL have never been in a relationship, and I'm talking NEVER. NEVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND, NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND. (I'm a girl and I'm gay, by the way).

And I feel awful about myself. Every time I come on the GLBT teens forum, I hear people complaining about their relationships, and how they cant be open about being in a relationship to everyone in their family, or wanting to tell your parents that you have a girl/boyfriend. Do any of you realize how lucky you are?

I doubt I will be in a relationship for at least another two years (if I'm lucky enough to even be in a relationship then), which would make me 18/19.

Is there something completely wrong with me? Am I so stupid to think that if you are older than 16 and are still a single, inexperienced gay girl, who is perfectly kind to everyone, that you are in fact a sad pathetic loser that will probably NEVER EVER be in a relationship or be 'with' another girl?!?!

I'm sorry to complain so much. I know I must sound really selfish, but this is worrying me very much. I'm so afraid of being alone that I cant stand it anymore."

First off, though it might seem like there are a ton of young gay and lesbian teens in same sex relationships, there are probably a whole lot more who actually feel the way you do. In fact, kids come on this site all the time saying that they really want a boyfriend or girlfriend. And while you might feel pathetic or worry that you will be single forever,these fears and feelings aren't really based in reality.

So what can a person in your situation do to speed up the process of finding a girlfriend? You probably know, there is no "one-size-fits-all" formula for finding a girlfriend. But there are some tips that can help the relationship-minded teen get her girl.

Tips for Getting a Girlfriend

  1. Come out. If you are not out, then it is going to be a lot harder to meet other lesbian teens. Plus, being out shows a certain level of confidence and confidence is really attractive to a lot of people.
  2. Go for girls who are also out. First of all, when your crush is openly gay, you at least know that she could be interested in you. Second, if you do get together, you won't have to worry about hiding the fact that you are together.
  3. Go for a girl who might like you back. Sometimes teens have huge crushes on people who are just never going to be a real possibility. Your homophobic classmate, straight crush, the girl with a serious girlfriend, or your gym teacher are not really who you should be setting your sights on if what you truly want is a girlfriend.
  4. Put yourself out there. Start a gay / straight alliance. Or join a basketball team or the debate society. Just do something so that you are forced to meet more people than those you already know.
  5. Understand the difficulties of dating online. A lot of girls find their girlfriends online, and the Internet is a great tool for gay and lesbian teens. But meeting someone over the Internet, will be a little different than meeting someone in person. For example, a lot of people cast a wide net when trying to meet someone online and it is possible that the girl who seems so interested in getting to know you is also sending those messages to a bunch of other people. Plus, while people don't always represent themselves honestly in real life, in some ways it is easier to claim to be someone you aren't when you don't meet in person.
  6. Don't expect someone to become your girlfriend immediately. Most people spend some time dating and getting to know a potential partner before they decide to move into girlfriend mode.

Now you might do all of this and still not have a girlfriend right away. Please don't beat yourself or get too upset if that happens. A lot of teens of all sexual orientations want relationships and for some kids, it just happens sooner than it does for others.

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