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I'm a Lesbian and My Straight Friend is Trying to Date My Crush


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Question: I'm a Lesbian and My Straight Friend is Trying to Date My Crush
What do you do when a straight friend of the opposite sex likes your crush? This is a pretty common problem for GLBT teens and a lesbian teen writes for help with a friend who is trying to date her crush.

A lesbian teen writes:

One of my straight guy friends is interested in my crush. My straight friend wants me to make plans for the three of us to hang out so he can get her number and ask her out later. I was really annoyed with this because I told him that I liked her before he even knew she existed. He constantly refers to her as his future wife in all of our conversations about her. I have told him to stop calling her that, but he still continues to make similar comments about her.

I feel a little bad for him because he is desperate for a girlfriend since he is seventeen and has never even kissed a girl before. I told him that I would try to set him up with a friend I'm not interested in, but he still constantly asks if I can bring my crush too.

I don't know what to do about this he completely ignores all of my requests to stop asking me to set him up with her.

The fact he has ignored your requests after you have told him how you feel sounds pretty disrespectful. But gay, or straight, what you are describing is also pretty common. A lot of people have "rules" about friends not dating their crushes and when these "rules" are broken, feelings can get badly hurt.

There are a few different takes on what to do in a situation like this. One teen on the  forum said, "Tell him that he's not being a very good friend by not listening to you. If he keeps it up, threaten to stop being his friend. Friends should listen to each other, not give each other grief."

That could be an approach. As you probably know, ending a friendship can be really hard. In fact, in some ways doing so is sometimes harder than ending a romantic relationship. So often, people stay friends well past a friendship's expiration date. While some friendships are meant to last a lifetime, others simply aren't, and you need to consider how you feel about this particular friendship and if it is worth maintaining even if it causes you some pain.

If you decide to remain friends with this guy you might want to figure out what is going on with him.

You don't mention if the girl who you have a crush on is also straight.   If so, your guy friend might be dismissing what you say because he doesn't think there is potential for you to have a relationship with her. If that is the case, you might want to ask him to think about how he would feel the tables were turned. By that same token, you should think about how you would feel if you developed a crush on a female friend of his who he had previously confessed feelings for. Would you not pursue her if you knew it would hurt him?

Nevertheless, even if you think you would, that doesn't change the fact that the way this guy is expressing himself to you sure isn't cool and no one needs to hang out with someone who is making them feel bad.

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