15-year-old Mihomi, a lacrosse player and alternative music fan, writes about figuring out she was a lesbian and offers some advice to other girls struggling with their sexual orientation.
How I Knew I was a Lesbian
I started suspecting I was a lesbian when I was in 6th grade. But honestly, I had crushes on girls before that. I didn't think anything of it because I was pretty young. In 7th grade I confided in two of my friends and told them that I thought that I might be bisexual, but that I wasn't sure. In the beginning of 9th grade, I came out as bi to a few more friends, and I increasingly felt more attracted to girls, but I ignored it thinking "there's no way that I'm a lesbian." I had a boyfriend, and I was convinced that it was just a phase, even though I had already come out to a few people.
My friend and I were talking one day and she flat out said, "Mihomi, I think that you're a lesbian." I totally denied it, but it made me think. I asked her why she thought I was, and she explained that I was totally repulsed by the idea of doing anything sexual with my boyfriend, and that I didn't even like kissing him. I started looking at both guys and girls and seeing what turned me on more. I ended up realizing that guys are way too flat and non-curvy for me, and that I definitely liked breasts. It really hit me that I was gay when my friend decided she felt like experimenting and made out with me. After that, I was like, "I am DEFINITELY a lesbian."
Who I'm Out to
I'm pretty much completely out at school, and to most of my friends, and to my mom and brothers and grandma. My friends don't care at all. They like to try and find me a girlfriend even though there's practically no one where I live. My dad doesn't know, at least as far as I know. He's a little homophobic, but I've hinted a ton that I'm into women. Either he's just totally oblivious or ignoring the facts.
It wasn't too hard for me to come out to people. I mostly just say that I have a girlfriend (which I don't, unfortunately), or when guys are talking about celebrities they think are hot, I join in. Or I just flat out say, "I'm a lesbian."
Most Awkward Moments I've Had Since I've Come Out
I've had guys ask me if I want to have a three-some or if they can try and turn me straight. That is so annoying.
And being on an all-girls lacrosse team, I get a few odd looks from people because I'm on a team where the uniforms are tank tops and short skirts.
My Advice to Other Girls Trying to Figure Out If They are Lesbians
One way to figure out which you're attracted to sexually is to think of doing something really hot and then figure out which gender you see yourself doing that with.
Romantically, imagine your wedding and what the gender is of the person you're marrying. I can't picture myself marrying a guy at all. It just seems weird to me. You can also think about your future. Do you see yourself laying in bed in the winter snuggling with a woman, or do you see yourself in the arms of a man? Can you see yourself staying with a man in a long-term commitment? When you think about being old, can you see yourself still in love with the woman you married? Thinking about those things really helped me figure out I was gay.
