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How Do You Talk About Sex With a Partner

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Talking about sex is one of the best ways to improve it!

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Question: How Do You Talk About Sex With a Partner
Talking about sex can be really hard. Here are some tips to help GLBT teens start a conversation and keep it going.
Answer:

Let's Talk About Sex

You've probably heard that it is really important to talk about sex with a partner, but how on earth can you bring up the subject? Doing so isn't easy, but in this case it is worth it to grit your teeth and take the plunge.

A lot of people skip talking about things like safer sex, what feels good and even if they are ready to have sex in the first place because they are embarrassed, or don't know what words to use or are afraid that bringing it up will be turn off.

But one of the best ways to know you are actually ready to have sex, is being able to talk about it! Here are some things to think about when trying to get the conversation started.

Timing

The best time to talk about sex is not usually in the heat of the moment. Trying bringing it up before you are in bed. Make sure you and your partner have privacy and are going to get distracted.

Wording

So you've found the time, but now you need to find the words.

When it comes to sex, people may think they are communicating well by asking questions like "Did you have an orgasm?" or "Is it ok if we don't have sex tonight?" But while technically this is talking about sex, these are yes or no questions that don't leave a lot of room for discussion.

"What do you think about using condoms?" and "How do you like to be touched?" are better questions because they are open ended.

Sometimes straight forward is best. Try saying something like, "Can we talk about if we are going to have sex?" Or "we've fooled around a bunch, but we haven't really talked about it, can we?"

Communication Styles

There are plenty of different types of communication styles and you have to pick the one that works best for you. However, you should know that some styles are going to make the sex talks easier than others.

For example, there is a difference between active and passive listening. Passive listeners may seem distracted and just kind of say, "uh huh, okay, sure," without really giving any opinions. On the other hand, active listeners participate in the conversation. Instead of the "uh huhs," they are more able to ask for clarifications, like, "Okay, I hear what you are saying," or "what do you mean by that?"

Talking Sex Specifics

A lot of people find it really tricky to make sex requests. You might know you need oral sex in order to have an orgasm, but feeling like may think it is not your place to ask for this. It might seem selfish to you. But having your sexual needs met is not selfish and telling a partner what you need is a lot nicer than forcing them to fumble around hoping to hit on what you like by accident. The more specific you can be in your requests, the easier life will be for you and your partner!

I Statements

If you are worried about how your partner will react, keep in mind the importance of "I" statements. Don't say, "You never make me come." Instead try "I come a lot easier from being on top than on the bottom, can we try that?" You'll be amazed at the difference transferring a few words to yourself can be!

Screwing up your courage to talk about sex can be scary, but it can also be liberating and make a huge difference in your sexual experience!

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