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If You Have Gay Sex Fantasies Does That Mean You Are Gay or Lesbian?

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A sex fantasy about someone of the same sex is not necessarily a sign that you are gay or lesbian.

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Question: If You Have Gay Sex Fantasies Does That Mean You Are Gay or Lesbian?
A lot of people have gay sex fantasies. But does fantasizing about another girl mean that you are a lesbian or does fantasizing about another guy mean that you are gay?
Answer:

Many teens wonder if fantasizing about other guys means that they are gay, or if fantasizing about other girls means that they are a lesbian. This could be the case for some people, but for others it really isn't.

Fantasies are really normal thing for people of all ages. As the Guide to Sexuality explains,

"Sexual fantasies may be the most common form of sexual expression (and if not number one, they run a close second to masturbation). While not everyone has sexual fantasies, it’s fair to say that everyone is capable of having sexual fantasies."

Sexual fantasies are also a safe way to try out sexual feelings and interests. Fantasies may be about something you are interested in trying in real life. But since they are just your thoughts, fantasizing may also be a way to explore sexual feelings without having to do anything in real life.

Of course, it is true that fantasies might be a reflection of what someone is really turned-on by and that's okay, too.

But for many people, the best part of having fantasies is that they can just stay in your head without ever having to be acted on. Remember, unless you want to tell someone about your fantasies you don't have to, even if that person is a boyfriend or girlfriend.

So how can you tell when fantasizing, or daydreaming about a same sex partner is a sign of your sexual orientation or not? For one teen girl this has been a really confusing experience. She writes:

"Okay so I don't know if, or how to tell if, I'm glb. I'm 13 and I have a boyfriend and we are really close but I find myself daydreaming about one of my girlfriends, even when my boyfriend and I are making out. Don't get me wrong, I love him with all of my heart, but my body is telling me two different things. Help me please!!!

People often have sexual fantasies, or thoughts, about someone of the same sex whether or not they are gay or lesbian, and it is perfectly normal for someone of any sexual orientation to fantasize about people of the same sex as well as about people of the opposite sex. But fantasies sure aren't the only thing to take into account when trying to figuring out your sexual orientation.

If you think you might be gay or lesbian, here are some other things to ask yourself:

  • Who do you usually have crushes on? Is it mainly someone of the same gender?
  • Do you imagine relationships with someone of the same gender?
  • If you dated or had a sexual experience with someone of the opposite gender, how did it make you feel?
  • If you dated or had a sexual experience with someone of the same gender, how did it make you feel?

If you think you might be bisexual, you can ask yourself these questions:

  • Do you feel strongly attracted to people of both genders?
  • Do you think you could have a sexual or romantic relationship with either males or females?

Asking these questions, then thinking about how your sexual fantasies fit into the equation and whether they are things you might actually like to experience one day, can go a long way in helping you figure out your identity. But don't worry if you still have questions. This stuff can take a long time to work out, no matter how much self reflection you do!

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