It's great when straight teens want to be GLBT allies, but that doesn't ever mean they should push gay friends to come out before they are ready.
"I have 2 guy friends, both of whom I'm pretty sure are gay. I'm straight, but I want to let them know that I support their decisions without being too intrusive. Both of them have already come out to other friends and their families, but they still haven't told me. It makes me feel terrible knowing that they could tell other people (especially friends in our "group") and not me. I don't feel as if I'm unapproachable, but there has to be something that's keeping them from telling me. I'd really appreciate any advice, because I have no idea what is going through their minds. I need some perspective from someone that's gone through what they're going through right now."
It is great that you want to support your friends, but I would trust your instincts and not be intrusive. Coming out is a really challenging thing for a lot of people, and pushing someone to come out to you before he or she is ready is really unfair.
That being said, there are plenty of ways that you can let friends know that you are supportive of GLBT kids. Everything from getting involved with (or starting) a Gay / Straight Alliance, to making your views on GLBT social issues known, can send a clear message of support. Basically, you want to demonstrate that you are an ally.
You might also want to ask yourself if some of your desire for your friends to come out to you is that you feel hurt that they told other people before you. And while it can be a bummer when close friends keep things from us, coming out isn't quite the same as a lot of other issues teens go through.
There are a lot of reasons that teens don't come out even if they are in supportive environments. Here are a few:
- A teen doesn't realize that he actually does have support.
- A teen is still figuring out her own sexual orientation.
- A teen is worried that people will treat him differently.
- A teen doesn't want to be the subject of gossip.
- A teen is worried that the news will get to teachers or parents.
- A teen feels this is private information.
Remember, there are lots of things you probably don't tell even your closest friends!
As one boy said of coming out, "While I'm perfectly comfortable with being gay, I'm not sure how people will react when I tell, though I don't want to keep it a secret. I actually told a lesbian friend, since I knew she'd be supportive, but I'm not yet that comfortable with speaking of it out loud, even to people I trust."
