The fear of dealing with family rejection after coming out is a big hurdle for a lot of teens. Here are some suggestions for coping with that if it happens.
Though many families embrace a teen's news that he or she is gay, the sad truth is some teens have to deal with family rejection after coming out. This can be devastating and scary, but know that support is out there.
Is There a Way to Know if My Family Will Reject Me for Being Gay?
There is no way to know for sure how a family will react to a gay teen. But if your family is openly homophobic or belongs to a religion that opposes the gay community, then you might already have a sense that they won't receive your news with open arms. That being said, your parents might surprise you and be accepting.
If you think your parents might reject you or respond to your news with hostility, you might want to consider if now is the best time to come out.
You can read more about deciding to come out here.
What if Things Get Really Uncomfortable at Home After I Come Out?
Twenty-year-old Jenny remembers that after she came out the tension in her house was almost unbearable. "I was a senior in high school and had a girlfriend I wanted to go to prom with. So I told my parents about it. Basically, they reacted by not saying anything. But it was so awkward and tense and I felt like my mom assumed I was hooking up with all my female friends. So I just never wanted to tell her about anything I was doing. It's a bit better now that I am away at school, but I still don't feel comfortable telling her when I am dating someone because she'll just act as if I didn't say anything and immediately change the subject."
If you encounter a situation like this, it can be helpful to think about who you can talk to about your relationships. Do you have an older sibling or relative who is supportive? What about a teacher or counselor? Is there an adult whom your parents trust who could talk to them on your behalf?
Read more about starting a conversation about being GLBT and finding support.
What if My Parents Kick Me Out for Being Gay?
Sadly, some parents are so freaked out by the idea that a child is gay that they will go so far as to kick their own child out of the house. In fact, as many as 40% of homeless teens are GLBT! If you fear coming out might mean the loss of your home, please consider your options before you tell your family that you are gay. Some things you can do are:
- Ask extended family members or close friends if you can stay with them.
- Talk to your guidance counselor, be honest about your situation and ask for advice.
- Check out the resource section of this site for organizations that provide support to GLBT teens.
Read more about GLBT teen homelessness here.
Family Rejection Vs Being Openly Yourself
Ultimately, every GLBT individual will have to decide if coming out is worth the pain of possible family rejection.
Having family members turn away from you simply because your sexual orientation differs from theirs can be one of the hardest things you might ever have to deal with. But if you do choose to come out, please know there are many many benefits to doing so and that support is out there for teens who make this often difficult choice!