A reader asks in the forum: "I am a 20 year-old female, and I consider myself to be straight, and although I have a few fantasies about women, I feel like they are more curiosities than real sexual or romantic attraction. I have recently become friends with a FTM transgender man, and I find myself very sexually (although not romantically) attracted to him. The fact that I am attracted to him makes me very uncomfortable. I'm wondering if anyone has any advice to help me approach what I am feeling, and process this within my own concept of my identity as a straight woman."
Being in situations that challenge your identity and sense of self can be pretty confusing. But there are a few things you should know about gender, sex and sexual orientation that can help you make sense of your feelings.
Sexual orientation refers to being being gay, lesbian, bisexual or heterosexual. This is our romantic and sexual attraction to other people.
Sex refers to our biological and chromosomal make-up.
Gender refers to feeling like a man or a woman or feeling like you don't fit into a male or female identity.
Though most people feel that their sex and gender line up (eg: people with a vagina who feel female), people who are transgender don't feel like this. This is commonly explained as feeling like "a man trapped in a woman's body" or a "woman trapped in a man's body."
Basically, “sex” is biological and “gender” is psychological. As a result, our sexual orientations tend to line up with our gender identities, not our biological sexes.
So if you are attracted to a FTM transgender man (who may or may not have the female anatomy he was born with) this doesn't mean that you aren't a straight women. It just means that you have been able to broaden the definition of the type of men you find attractive.
Got any experiences either as a straight girl or guy dating someone trans, or as a trans person with a straight partner? You can share them here along with any advice!
