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I Like This Guy, But He's Straight! What Do I Do About My Straight Crush?

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Question: I Like This Guy, But He's Straight! What Do I Do About My Straight Crush?
It is really common for GLBT teens to have feelings for their friends, but what do you do if you are gay and have a straight crush?
Answer:

A teen writes in the forum:

"so i think i like this guy (well ok i DEFINITELY like this guy), BUT HE'S STRAIGHT. I live in a fairly conservative community and that sorta brings me down (im a VERY liberal person).im thirteen years old and gay. wow! its kinda hard to say that but i guess its true (well, again with the parentheses, i know its true) im not out and i wont be for a while. ive told my therapist and this guy who used to be my best friend. back to the story. this guy (i'll call him "c") is SOOOO hot. he's one of the most popular guys in school and we're friends, but we havent like hung out after school, so we're like "school friends" im not out, so i really just need help with the problem of the gay crush on the straight guy."

Here's some teen advice from a girl named Lauralia:

"Well, I think it's a situation every gay has to face once in his life. If he's straight, the only thing you can do is... forget him. Yes, I know, easier said than done, but you have to stop hoping, and one day you'll find out that you were able to forget your feelings for him. I'm sorry, my answer isn't reassuring nor optimistic, but it's true... :S I really hope you'll find a solution or cope with it. Good luck!!"

Another teen says:

"I have to say, it's possibly one of the most difficult things to overcome when you have a straight friend you have a crush on. Ever since I was in grade 3 I've had a crush on a guy who stuck up for me when I was bullied. Over the years, I looked past his messy hair and acne and now, he's really good looking (actually hot.) I still am probably not over it yet, but I eventually will come to the conclusion that I can't be with him. Unless you have full confirmation that that person feels the same way, it's better off to forget them. Take time to do other things; don't always have that one person on your mind. In the future, everyone is bound to get a love that they will hold onto forever."

Here's what I have to offer:

It is totally normal to have a crush whether or not the person you are crushing on is gay or straight. Unfortunately, the fact that this guy is straight, means that is is unlikely that things will turn out exactly as you hope. Of course, the same could be said if he was gay. Just because we like someone, doesn't mean that they will like us back.

Here are some signs of a normal crush:

  • Trying to catch glimpses of someone in school.
  • Texting, emailing, IMing or calling from time to time.
  • Fantasizing about hooking up with someone.
  • Asking to hang out sometimes.
  • Feeling sad if the person doesn't return your feelings.
  • Getting over the person and moving on after a while.

Here are some signs that you might be entering obsession territory:

  • Staring at someone constantly and making him or her uncomfortable.
  • Texting, emailing, IMing or calling all the time, especially, if you don't get a response.
  • Coming on to someone repeatedly after they have told you they aren't interested.
  • Constantly asking someone to hang out, even if he or she has said no.
  • Feeling really depressed, and worthless if your crush doesn't return your feelings.
  • Not being able to be interested in anyone else.

If you find yourself unable to stop thinking about him, or you feel like you are becoming obsessed, you might want to give yourself a little space from him and keep busy with other friends or activities. Also try to talk to someone about how you are feeling. A friend, sibling, parent or other adult that you trust can sometimes really help put things in perspective!

If you want to share your own tips and experiences, you can do so here!

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