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How Do I Know If I'm In Love?

Info For Gay Teens Wondering Just What is Love


J+K initials and heart symbol carved in moss covered Alder tree, Olympic National Park.
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Question: How Do I Know If I'm In Love?

Is it love, lust, infatuation, or maybe just "like"? Figuring out your feelings can go a long way in helping you build a healthy relationship!


Though some people have no problem figuring out if they are in love, for others things are a little more complicated. And while there is no one way to tell that works for everyone, there are, however, some signs that can help you figure out if your feelings are love, lust, or something else altogether.

Say you met someone that you are crazy about and are wondering, "Is this love?"

Well, scientists have determined that for most people there are three phases of love:

  1. Lust
  2. Love
  3. Attachment

Lust is a strong sexual feeling for someone else. Love is a sense of deep caring, warmth and intimacy for another person. Attachment is the feeling of connection with another person that makes you want to spend time with them and have them involved in your life.

Here are some things to ask yourself:

  • How do I feel when I am with this person?
  • How do I feel when I am not with this person?
  • Does this person make me feel special and happy?
  • Can I be myself around this person?
  • What are the qualities this person has that make me feel so strongly?
  • Do I think my feelings are reciprocated?

Being in love can be a wonderful feeling! But keep in mind that after the initial passionate feelings calm down, you will be left with a real person and real issues to deal with. A lot of people feel that a deeper love develops over time.

A reader named Abbygirl describes love like this:

"Love is when you're breath-taken by even the slightest hint of their face . When you hear the word love your lovers face should be the first picture in your head . Maybe you could try and focus and majority of the time it works but when your bored of just thinking they'll most likely cross you're mind . Also you know your in love when you feel life has purpose and their the reason why even on a tired day you get out of bed in the morning in the hopes of seeing them soon . Love will always keep you guessing what it is that intoxicates you . You'll even question it at times wondering if it's even possible to fall this hard . And at the same time you'll be scared to lose it so you try so hard to be your lovers dream woman/man . Never giving up will make you stronger and together you feel like the world's hate is nothing but a test of your true faith in what you have being real . And that....that is what will keep that insatiable flame rekindling day after day...THAT.....is love."

Sometimes we think that emotions like love should be obvious, but as a lot of you know this just isn't the case. The guide to Teen Advice has developed a quiz called Am I In Love? You might want to take it to help you think through this question further! 


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