A teen writes:
"So, I'm going out with this guy named Bobbie. We've been going out since April of this year. Things are going good in our relationship and I love him a lot... but I'm starting to have second thoughts about things.
You see, Bobbie and his last boyfriend Jim broke up back in March/April. The reason was because Bobbie cheated on Jim with another boy. Jim found out and it was over. It's kinda weird actually, because we're all good friends. But anyhow, I've been wondering, "What if he cheats on me? What if HAS cheated on me and I don't know it?" I rack my brain trying to think about things and I hate it.
At the same time, I feel like a hypocrite cuz I have a lot of crushes on different boys, even though I'm in a relationship. I would never do anything with them, but it's just the fact that the same feelings I have for Bobbie, I kinda have for other boys.
I don't know, I'm just kinda confused, lost, and lonely right now. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
You might have heard the saying, "The best predictor of future behavior, is past behavior." But at the same time, people can and often do, change and the way someone behaves in one relationship is not always how they will behave in another.
You might also want to ask yourself if you have any reason to worry other than your knowledge of your boyfriend's last relationship. If he hasn't given you an cause to fear this, then you might want to cut him some slack.
But as another teen says:
"Back in the day I would have just said to try and trust him. Now, after having gone through a relationship in which my ex cheated on me with my best friend... I'd ask myself what does a relationship mean to me. I mean, do you think it will last with you two? If so, and you like your relationship, then hold onto it. You won't know for certain whether he will cheat or not, but relationships are about trust. If you can see yourself in a relationship with him in the future, like five years time or more, then I'd say let the past rest. Sometimes we to stupid stuff and sometimes we learn from our mistakes. Do you really think this guy Bobbie could cheat on you right now? If so, then he clearly doesn't care about you enough. And in that case the relationship might not be worth it. At least that's how I see it."
A lot of people who worry about a partner cheating are actually insecure themselves. If you aren't confident or don't feel comfortable in your relationship, then you are more likely to worry that a partner isn't being faithful.
For some people the lines of cheating are pretty clear, but for others there are gray areas. For a lot of couples, kissing and anything beyond are clearly no go zones. However, some couples are comfortable with the occasional kiss here or there.
Others are fine with exploring outside a relationship as long as the issue is discussed beforehand and everyone is comfortable and safe.
For same sex-couples boundaries can present particular challenges. For example, if you are having a sleepover with your best friend, is it cool if you share a bed?
Really, the best thing to do, is to talk to Bobbie and be clear about what you are and are not comfortable with. Ideally, you'll be on the same page, and if not hopefully you will be able to compromise on this issue.