Unhealthy Gay Teen Relationships
Ever wonder how they do it? Your buddy and his guy seem to get along so well. They never fight in front of other people, and they really seem to put each other first. Yet you always seem to end up with jerks. What's up with that?
The truth is, your friend didn't just luck out. It's likely that he is just in a healthy relationship.
How You Treat Each Other
Respect is important in any relationship. Here are some behaviors that are NOT respectful:
- Putting you down and making fun of you.
- Being hyper-critical.
- Making all the decisions about what you do and who you see.
- Not treating you as an equal.
- Cheating on you despite agreeing to be in an exclusive relationship.
Your Emotional Health
Does being together make you feel good about yourself and your partner? If it doesn't, you might want to ask yourself what you are getting out of the situation. Here are some ways that people can be emotionally abusive:
- Controlling you by trying to limit who you see, the friends you have and even what you wear.
- Being excessively jealous. Don't let anyone tell you jealousy is a sign of love. It isn't. It's a sign of insecurity!
- Saying things like, "You're lucky I put up with you, I doubt anyone else would."
Your Physical Health
Sometimes people excuse violence if the aggressor was drunk, stressed, or really upset about something. But there is never a good reason to hit your partner, even once.Other things to be aware of are:
- Roughhousing that doesn't stop when you want it to, and hitting or slapping that is "just a joke."
- Threats of future violence.
Your Sexual Health
If you are in a sexual relationship, it should be a positive experience for both partners. Here are things that can make sex anything but positive:- Feeling pressured or forced into sex at any time.
- Feeling pressured into doing sex acts you aren't comfortable with.
- Having a partner who only cares about his or her own pleasure.
- Having sex because you fear your partner will leave you if you don't.
- Feeling like you can't practice safer sex.
Some More Red Flags
Sometimes is isn't obvious that a relationships is unhealthy. Here are some red flags to look out for:- Does your partner dislike your friends and family, and try to prevent you from spending time with them?
- Does your partner seem overly dependent on you?
- Do you want to end things, but fear what will happen if you do?
- Are you afraid to talk about your relationship with people around you for fear of being judged or hearing things that are painful?
The fact of the matter is, people who feel bad about themselves are more likely to get into unhealthy or abusive relationships than are folks who have higher self-esteem. And once you are in an unhealthy situation, it can be hard to see a way out. But healthy teen relationships can and do happen every day!
It can be hard to talk to people about being in an unhealthy relationship--especially if you aren't out about being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, and are keeping the relationship private. But doing so can be the first step in getting out a bad situation. If you can't talk to your parents or friends, please think about talking to a guidance counselor, teacher, friend's parent, older family member, or your doctor.
You can also call the Gay and Lesbian National Youth Talk Line at 1-800-246-PRIDE to talk to a volunteer about issues in your life.
