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Why Doesn't Anyone Like Me?

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Question: Why Doesn't Anyone Like Me?
If you feel like you are the only teen who isn't dating, or who no one has crushes on, you aren't alone! Plenty of teens worry about this very issue.
Answer:

A teen who describes herself as a questioning demi-romantic asexual writes:

"So I'm 17 and have never even been on a date. It annoys me. I just don't understand why people don't like me. Does anyone else go through this? What do I do?"

One of your questions is really easy to answer: yes, plenty of other teens go through this! In fact, I would say that for the general teen population, not dating is just as common as dating.

Your other two questions are more complicated. Let's start with why you feel like people don't like you. You don't mention whether or not you have pursed people who have then not responded. But in a lot of cases, teens are too shy to make the first move or share their feelings and just assume that no one likes them back, even if there are plenty of people who do.

But you also have to think about the signals you are sending out. Whether consciously or not, people give off impressions that indicate whether they are open to dating and you might want to think about how you are presenting yourself.

For example, in your profile on this site, you describe yourself as "asexual." If that is how you are describing yourself to people you want to date, they might assume you aren't interested, whether or not this is the case.

Now on to your last question: what you can do about this?

One of the toughest things about dating is figuring out if someone you have a crush on likes you back. Usually, the best way to find out if someone likes you is to ask.

Of course, any time you talk about your feelings, you are taking a risk. The person you like might not respond the way you are hoping. But then again they might be feeling the same way as you are, and you would have never known without having a conversation.

Now, you might want to feel out a situation before diving into a conversation about your feelings and many people do this through flirting.

Here are a few flirting tips:

  • Compliments work wonders. As long as they are genuine, things like "I like your shirt," "You're really funny," and "Nice work getting into an ivy," are all possible flirting lead in's.
  • Keep your compliments PG at first. Overly sexual remarks can freak people out.
  • Don't be overbearing and only talk about yourself. Remember to ask questions about the other person and let them get a word in edgewise.
  • Shyness can seem cute, but it can also make you seem insecure. Remember a lot more people find confidence attractive than do low self-esteem.

But keep in mind, what might seem sexy, flirty or funny to one person, might seem silly or even sleazy to another. So always make sure you are open to reading the other person's signs and if they don't seem interested, try hard not to feel rejected, and do your best to move on.

Plenty of relationships happened because someone decided that being upfront was a risk worth taking and told their crush how they felt. This can of course expose you to the possibility of rejection. But it can also be the most likely way to get a date!

Dating is a complicated part of life. Sometimes a little introspection can work wonders.

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