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How Do You Handle Making Out With a Straight Friend?


lesbian teens holding hands

It can be hard to handle making-out with a straight friend.

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Question: How Do You Handle Making Out With a Straight Friend?
A lesbian teen who made out with her straight best friend tries to figure how to handle her feelings about the situation, since she knows her friend only sees hooking-up as a one time thing.

A teen writes

"Yesterday, my friend and I were sitting down talking about life, school, and such. She was upset and venting to me about her cousins and I don't know what came over me but I pulled her over and kissed her mid-speech. To my surprise she kissed me back. She knows I am a lesbian, as she was the first person I told, and we've gone over the fact that she is straight many times. We kissed / made out six times that night. After every time we both just looked at each other in disbelief. It would go from satisfaction to awkwardness to us both being upset. I don't know what to do, she told me she was confused and scared but it was fun. She said we shouldn't do it again because it's going to tear our friendship apart, but I want to. I know she doesn't feel the same way about me, and I hate myself for not being happy with what we have, but I want more. Please help!

This is a really complicated situation, and a fairly common one. In fact, one of the most popular articles on this site is on GLBT teens with crushes on a straight friend. It sounds like your friend has been pretty clear about both her sexual orientation and her fears over how starting something sexual could ruin your friendship.

Ultimately, if she doesn't want to make our again, this is something you need to respect. But even if she changes her mind you should think about if this is a good idea knowing that she is so torn. You never want to be in the position of trying to talk someone into doing something sexual that you know they don't want to do. Doing so can make both people feel guilty, angry and embarrassed. However good it feels to make out, it sure won't feel good to think that the person you were making out with really didn't want to be doing so.

So what happens if it does seem like she is into hooking up again in the future? If this happens, you should consider her concerns about your friendship, and the very real possibility that bringing a sexual element into your relationship could really change, or even end it.

Though your friend identifies as straight, she may or may not be questioning some aspects of her sexual orientation. That is fine and really common, yet it might be hard for you to be the person who she experiments with as she goes through this. Best friends are pretty awesome things and for GLBT teens, it is really important to have someone to talk honestly with about your life. Though some teens are able to move from a friend relationship to a dating or "friend's with benefits" situation, and have it work out, for others, doing so can really hurt the friendship.

If you are feeling like you can't stop thinking about this situation, you might want to talk to your friend about how you are feeling. Of course, any time you talk about your feelings honestly you are taking a risk. The conversation could go just how you hoped, or it could go in a really different direction and you could get hurt in the process.

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