Having a crush can be amazing and exhilarating and can make even the most boring event sparkle just a little. But when a crush is never going to turn in into something more, those amazing exhilarating, sparkling feelings can become more of a burden than a boon.
As a teen writes to the forum:
"I am an 18 year old bi female. I have a huge crush on one of my very good friends. The only problem is that she is straight, and has a boyfriend. She doesn't know that I am bi and I'm quite sure that she doesn't know that I like her. But other times I am not so sure. We are both very sarcastic and sometimes when we are joking around, I swear she is flirting with me. Either way I doubt it's going to work out because she is very much in love with her boyfriend. I need to know how to get over her?"
Wow - you really have hit three of the trickiest crush issues. Not only do you have a crush on a friend, which is complicated enough by itself, but your friend is in a serious relationship and she is straight!
Nothing about any of these things is easy.
But while some people want to know how to make a crush like them back, I think what you want to know, namely how to get over your feelings, is a better tactic. Unfortunately, better doesn't mean easier.
Still here are some tips on getting over a crush. Some of them might sound rather harsh or drastic, but there are times when you just need to rip the band-aid off!
Getting Over a Crush
- Give yourself a reality check. A crush isn't love. Your heart will mend!
- Tell yourself it is never going to happen. Don't fantasize about what it would be like if you were together. You aren't going be together and imagining what it would be like if you were will feed your crush with a diet of false hope.
- If you must think about your friend, focus on things you don't like.
- Don't stay home alone. Get out of the house, see people, stay busy.
- Set a goal. Maybe you want to run a 10K, start a blog, or volunteer somewhere. Think of something to do that will give you a purpose and distraction.
- Spend time with other friends. I know that if you spend every day with your friend, or see her regularly, she might wonder what is up. But you need to take care of yourself and right now, spending time with a person who isn't going to feel about you, how you feel about her, is just going to make you miserable. Maybe you just can't be as close with her as you have been. Friendships change and move in different directions. This might be one that needs to do so.
- Try to meet someone new. Don't close yourself off to the possibility of dating someone else. Sometimes the best cure for one crush is another. (Though you should be careful not to fall into a pattern of unrequited crush hopping).
Most crushes don't last forever, but that can be hard to remember when you are deep in the throes of a serious one. You might find it helpful to read about how other teens dealt with straight crushes. You can do that here.