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How To Come Out as Gay: Having a Conversation About You Sexual Orientation

By , About.com Guide

How To Come Out as Gay: Having a Conversation About You Sexual Orientation

A lot of teens want to know how to come out to friends and family.

Photo (c) Michael Illuchine
Want to know how to come out as gay? Once you are comfortable with your sexual orientation, you might want to come out as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. However, it can be tough to start a conversation. Here are some tips to help you get it going.
Difficulty: Hard
Time Required: 5 minutes to many hours

Here's How:

  1. Decide who you are going to tell and how. The conversation you have with mom and dad might not be the same one you have with your buddy, or even your sister.

  2. Pick a location. Choose a neutral spot where you will feel comfortable. Somewhere public might be better than your best friend's room, or your mom's study.

  3. Gage how the person feels. You may know how the people in your life feel about GLBT issues, but you may not. If you don't, you might want to try to get a better sense.

  4. Have a "feeler" conversation. Here are some sentence starters that can help you do so:

    • "I was watching ________ movie, and the main character came out to his mom."
    • "So what do you think about these gay marriage bans?"
    • "Some kids at school started a Gay / Straight Alliance. I was thinking about joining."
  5. Decide whether or not you still want to come out after the "feeler" conversation.

  6. If you choose to come out you have a few options:

    1. Just say it. "Mom, dad, I'm gay."
    2. Ease in. "Jim, I've been having feeling for other girls recently."
    3. Ask a question. "Aunt Flo, what would you say if I told you I was bisexual?"
  7. Congratulate yourself. You just did something really hard and took a risk!

Tips:

  1. Remember, don't come out during an argument, when you (or the other person) is tired, upset or distracted!

  2. Don't beat yourself up if the conversation doesn't go as anticipated.

  3. Cut the person you are talking to some slack.This might be a big surprise for them, and it might take a little while for your news to sink in.

  4. Don't come out before you're ready.

  5. Try to identify at least one person who you think will be supportive about you coming out before you do so.

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