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How Can I Tell Friends I Like Other Girls?


Girls holding hands

It can be hard to come out as a lesbian or bisexual to friends.

Image (c) Made Underground
Question: How Can I Tell Friends I Like Other Girls?
A teen wants to know how to come out and tell her friends that she likes other girls.

Lindsey writes:

"So here's the deal. I don't really know if I'm gay or bi yet, all I know is that I like other girls. I guess I've always been attracted to girls, but I just realized a few months ago that it was called being gay and that it was okay :) Most of my friends are girls, and I'm really afraid to tell them because I'm afraid they'll think I'm going to hit on them or something, even though I just see them as friends. Our librarian is gay and she's really nice so I know there's at least 1 adult I can talk to... I'm just scared of telling my friend-girls... Any advice? Of how to not freak them out?"

A lot of teens want to know how to come out to friends and it is true that there is no guarantee that your friends won't get freaked out. But hopefully you know them well enough to have a sense of how they might react. If you don't, you might want to try to get a better sense by having a "feeler" conversation. Here are some things you can say:

  • "I was watching ________ movie, and the main character was a girl who had a crush on this other girl."
  • "So what do you think about gay marriage?"
  • "Some kids are starting a Gay / Straight Alliance. I was thinking about joining."

You can decide whether or not you still want to come out after the "feeler" conversation.

If you choose to tell your friends that you like other girls, you have a few options:

  • Just say it. "So-- I like other girls."
  • Ease in. "Lucy, I've been having feeling for other girls recently."
  • Ask a question. "Amber, what would you say if I told you I was bisexual?"

You can tell your friends you aren't interested in them in that way, as well. But don't beat yourself up if the conversation doesn't go as anticipated and try to cut the person you are talking to some slack. This might be a big surprise, and it might take a little while for your news to sink in.

Whatever you decide, good luck!

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