From the Forums: I'm Feeling Pressured to Have Sex...

A teen named Miles writes to the community forum that he is feeling pressured to have sex even though he isn't ready:

"Very rarely do I have trouble with peer pressure, but I have my 2 cents to put in. Im 16, and out to my school, there are 5 gay guys in my school, including myself, and 2 lesbians. When ever im around my boyfriends - meaning the gay guys - they sometimes talk about what great sex they've all had and what awsome boyfriend their with. I on the other hand am single and have never had sex with a guy. They joke with me about being the baby, cause' im the youngest, and how innocent I am because I haven't had sex. I've only been with 2 guys the past couple of years and I feel that I am left out and to "fit in" i have to have sex. They pressure me about it and I do feel bad and like an outcast because I mean what gay guy wouldnt want to have sex, but then having to face public humiliation about it. It bothers me quite a bit and I wish I could and I feel like im being pressured to have sex with the first person who offers it. Ive been offered to do it oraly but I said no, because it would be meaningless. Am i being to innocent? should i take any offer i get? if not how do i get over it?"

Here's some advice from another teen:

"Dont worry I am a virgin too. I am going to sound pathetic but i want to lose my v to someone special that i have feelings for. if not it seems meaningless to me. you should definitely hold on to your virginity a little longer or at least take the time to think about all the serious emotional and physical complications of sex before proceeding."

Here's my two cents: It is the rare person who feels good about sex they have under pressure. Here are some things to ask yourself before deciding to have sex:

• Do you want to be in a relationship before you have sex?
• Do you think you might feel different about your partner after having sex? Are you comfortable with that? What if he or she feels differently about you?
• How do you think sex will affect your relationship?
• Are you having sex to make someone your boyfriend or girlfriend?
• What if having sex ends your relationship?
• Are you having sex because you are worried that your partner will break up with you if you don't?
• Do you know how to practice safer sex?
• Do you have access to condoms? Are you comfortable using them with your partner?
• Do you feel comfortable seeing a health care provider and getting tested or treated for STDs?
• Are you comfortable telling your partner your likes and dislikes?
• Would you feel comfortable telling your partner if something didn't feel good?
• If something goes wrong or you have an emergency, do you have an adult who you can talk to?

You might find some of the questions hard to answer. That's perfectly normal. But it might be a sign that you aren't ready for a sexual relationship right now.

If any of you have advice for Miles, leave it in the comments!