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Of all the questions I get on this site, How do I know I'm gay? is probably the most common.

Often teens ask this because they are genuinely curious and questioning their sexual orientation.

Other times, they are pretty certain they are gay, lesbian or bisexual, but have been told by someone else that they aren't.

Guys might hear, "You can't know you're gay unless you have sex with another guy."

Girls sometimes get, "You're too young to be a lesbian."

Neither statement is true of course, but if you hear something like that often enough, the natural response is to wonder if there might be some truth to behind what you are being told.

That isn't to say wondering isn't normal. Plenty of people think long and hard about their sexual orientation before they actually come out to themselves.

But the process of figuring out if you are gay will be a lot easier if you don't buy into a lot of the misinformation and mythology about what it means to be GLBT.

Comments
December 20, 2008 at 10:46 am
(1) adam :) says:

hi i am 12 and i always thought to myself. am i gay?(oncce i knew what it meant) but ever since i was 4 i looked at guys buts and thought it was normal. alsi when i was in 2nd grade i fantisized about this guy in my class. ive always acted girly and was called gay and fag. all of my friends were and still are girls. how i cam out was first being bisexual last year. and then on march 4th i came out with being gay. but i wasnt fully sure. so what i did was i typed in nude women. looked at nude pics and i didnt get a erection. then i typed in nude men. i looked at the pics. i got a boner in like a second! so that how i knew i was gay. but i read articales and st uff about homosexuals. and how sometimes its just a phase? i still am a strong and proud homosexual and everyone at my school knows. including teachers. and my ma and my dad know. so i have a good support group. so can you just help me and reasurre to me that the info i gave to you help you see if im gay or not? thanks :)

September 6, 2009 at 5:17 pm
(2) chelsea says:

hi im 13 and i thnk im gay.i have thia gay friend and me and her always hug and say i love u to echother.but the past year i keep haveing sexy dreams about her and i gut this weird feeling around her.do u think i my like her plz i need somone to talk to.=(
(srry about spelling i hade to type fast)

September 30, 2009 at 7:12 pm
(3) dewi says:

im 16 and i know im gay because i dont get boners over girls also i get boners over boys masturbating me also to find out i had sex with a guy to find out nd i loved it

November 4, 2009 at 9:32 am
(4) Kyle says:

I am 17 and I’ve known I have been gay for two years. When I was in my freshman year I came out that I was bisexual. That was when I had my first boyfriend. When I was a sophomore I came out that I was gay. I’ve known that I liked guys for years now, I just never really understood what it meant. Now I know for sure that I like guys.

March 7, 2010 at 5:24 am
(5) Edward bagwell says:

Hi I’m Edward and I’m 13 going on 14 and I have always looked at guys and have a bonor but look at girls and go flat in a sec in 2009 I came out to my school and even my teachers now and I even told this guy I liked him but well he did not take it so well but it’s my parents that are the real problem they said if I was ever gay that they would through me out and I am always stressedout and it is so hard to find gay guys my age central s.c. I think I’m the only gay guy in south Carolina.

March 8, 2010 at 11:39 am
(6) Juliano T. says:

Hello, I’m Juliano, I’m 15 soon to be 16 and lesbian. I pretty much have had a strong attraction to girls from the start. After I figured out I was lesbian sometime in the 5th grade, I realized I had previous crushes on girls, starting as young as 7 years old. I just didn’t know what I was feeling back then. And now that I know, it answers my question as to why I felt the need to protect girls and pretend I was their “knight in shining armor” as a kid. I liked them, and that obviously hasn’t changed much, lol. I am very sure of who I am, I’ve had several great relationships and I am currently in my longest-lasting and what I consider to be my happiest.

April 19, 2010 at 10:30 pm
(7) Matt says:

I have constantly gotten erctions with only guys, but I never looked at other nude guys. I get it from my male teachers and peers. Like I said before I never saw a nude guy, but just a handsome guy gives me an erection. Almost all of my friends are girls and the ones who are guys have been considered “gay” by other people. I have been called gay by people in my school and my family has said that I act very gay. When I started to notice this I looked up someone who I knew was very handsome and right away got an erection. I still think women are beautiful, but they never turned me on, not even the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. If I am gay I will accept it, but I’m not sure my family would. I need to know, soon…

August 5, 2010 at 3:58 pm
(8) sammi says:

ijust turnd 14, a lot of people say 14 is to young to know if you are bi. i was a bit curious and made out with my friend thats a girl. i liked it but im so confused. on top of it my friend has a bf, but she has a crush on me. i like her a lot. but i also have a little of a crush on her bf. idk if i am bi. i think i am but i am holding myself back from this . what do i do?

October 2, 2010 at 10:29 am
(9) Laedy says:

How do I know I’m gay? Well, uh. I know I’m gay because when I look at a good looking guy, I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship with him or anything of that sort, like .. that’s it, he’s just good looking to me & it’s nothing I want. When I look at a beautiful girl, I get this feeling like I wanna approach her, talk to her, get to know her, all that good stuff. I mean, everyone has their own way of knowing what they are, but that’s just me.

October 2, 2010 at 2:33 pm
(10) Jordan (Aksr) says:

IDK, it’s like you just know/feel it. Or at least it was for me. I’d always liked guys. I didn’t really call myself gay though until Dec 09.
I just don’t care for girls, that’s all. Yes I know when a woman is beautiful or whatever, but it doesn’t interest me. I’m attracted to guys, and I’m cool with it. I can’t imagine not liking guys, it’s just who I am.
So really, I think it’s just a matter of you know it or don’t. You will know eventually, it just may take longer for some than others.

November 2, 2010 at 10:53 am
(11) KateLynn says:

I have had sex with both guy and girl. And I loved both. but i am pregnat at 15 years old i dont know wat to do. Help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

November 2, 2010 at 11:00 am
(12) KateLynn says:

Iam bisexual iam 15 about to be 16 and i am pregnat iam worryed if i dont have sex with my husband i will pass the gay gene on to my baby give me advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

November 23, 2010 at 7:15 pm
(13) Miles says:

I’m 12 and i’m still not sure if i’m gay. I have had tons of crushes on other dudes but a lot of people r just saying it’s teen harmones. Is ther anyone who can help?

November 26, 2010 at 6:51 pm
(14) John says:

My entire life preceding the last 6 months has been filled with sexual attraction to women. I’ve had countless fantasies since youth about women naked, gradually growing to relatively extreme sexual fantasies (not violent just wildly imaginative). I once had a sexual attraction to one of my best friends who is a man, but have never explicitly felt an attraction to men or penises etc. However in my real life I’ve found myself actively avoiding heterosexual sex and/or relationships with women for reasons I don’t truly understand. For the last 6 months my mind has been in utter limbo about how I feel about anyone, and I don’t even understand what I sexually am anymore. I always considered myself heterosexual, I thought I may be bisexual. I always noticed I was different from other men and how they are attracted to women, and coming to terms with whatever the hell my sexuality is has been extremely difficult to simply know. I pick on specifics to try to say I’m gay (such as not getting erections when grinding with girls and lots of other things of that nature). I’ve always had an easy time achieving sexual excitement with images of women but all of a sudden it’s not as easy anymore. If anyone could possibly understand this insanity I’d be much obliged.

December 16, 2010 at 5:15 pm
(15) Ciaran says:

Im 16 and im not sure whether or not im gay. Ive always looking at gay porn on the web and masterbate over guys i k ow my age. 3 months back a friend of mine came to my house and he came out to me. That night we kissed and had anal sex. I enjoyed it very much but ive also had sexual relations with girls i no and my friend has asked me several more times to have sex and i tink i want to but dont want to have sex again until i have word on what people tink whether im gay or nnot. Could you help :)

January 24, 2011 at 5:47 pm
(16) Randy says:

I’ve know I was gay for ages and thought I was gay till as far back as I remember but all of a sudden I’ve had a strang interest in women porn and it’s scary but I still like guys and gay sex. But I don’t know what to do. I need help!!!

February 14, 2011 at 4:07 am
(17) marvin bondalo says:

hi im 18 years of age i dont know if im gay b_coz i like having sex with a gay?pls ans

June 21, 2011 at 1:26 am
(18) Faith says:

I am a girl and 12. I LOVE this boy named kyle. He is really cute and nice to me but this year instead of hanging out with girls and fantisize about them kissing me in my pubic area. (; I don’t know what to think. I made out with Kyle and it was really AMAZING. But I made out french and everything with a girl, Sydney and it was heaven.(: We did 69 and stuff but when i think about it I am gay…

July 19, 2011 at 6:51 am
(19) Johnny says:

im barly turned 13 years old:)! and i know that im gay because i always look gay porn!and when i look up lesibean porn it does not turn me on. but when i look up or just think about gay porn i get a BIG BONER!!!! im attracted to a friend named
Johmny too. i do hope hes gay, but if he isnt let him be bi! ive tols my closet friends im gay! i want to tell johnny but i dont want to ruin our relionship!!! Wat should i do???

August 24, 2011 at 2:01 am
(20) david says:

Hi im david 14 about to be 15 and im from Massachusetts when i was young i always looked at guys and girls the same way but growing up around a bunch of girls.. i was exposed to sex alot and influenced to believe that having sex with a guy ok.. when i turned 11 i started to like girls but i always was use to guys … so i naturally had an attraction to them.. now that im about to turn 15 i really like gay porn and think guys are attractive but i still have a thing for girls.. It oesn’t feel right when i kiss a boy but its feelsthe same when i kiss a girl i have never had sex before so i think when i do ill figure out if im straight gay or bisexual..
my question is can this sometimes be a phase??

December 19, 2011 at 2:34 pm
(21) Charlie says:

I am 17girl and lived in ABC island and being is gay is weird but I think I am gay I have an close friend kyra and dream about kissing her al the time I think I mat be gay because I had rusted on a lot of girls include my gym theacher for a hole 1year I don’t no what to do I don’t want to be called weird pls help

February 25, 2012 at 11:03 pm
(22) james says:

im 12 and im gay.i have gay dads and i was adopted. i did not no this i just came out and no one nos this so can some one just like say that it is normal to be gay

February 27, 2012 at 4:43 pm
(23) dylan says:

I am 16 and male. I do know that I’m gay. But most of the guys at my school are really attractive to me. I have had a crush on this guy in my grade for like 5 years now and he is my friend. I’m really afraid to come out and tell him and the others at my school. Can some please help?

February 28, 2012 at 9:08 pm
(24) james says:

its all good you will be happy if you are honest

August 4, 2012 at 5:54 pm
(25) marcus says:

Hi i am 18 years old and i am gay. when i told my friend i am gay 50-79% off my friends did leave me. so i really need help is it normal =\ ?

October 1, 2012 at 12:59 pm
(26) callum says:

hi i’m 13 i think guys are great and fantisize about beig more than friends with them i just want some advice so can u please comment

October 17, 2012 at 8:48 am
(27) irene says:

marcus if most of ur friends left you. then they wasnt friends in the first place.

November 9, 2012 at 10:58 pm
(28) Casey k says:

Hey im 12and im gay, I think. Ive had sex at 11and it was amazing. I need help understanding wats goin on

November 11, 2012 at 12:42 am
(29) Zach says:

Im 12 and im gay, but my parents hate anything that has to do with gay people adn said that if i was gay they would throw me out. W
at should i do?

December 16, 2012 at 6:08 am
(30) tom says:

so i have had gay feelings since i was 11 but pushed them to one side because i did not except it i only just excepted it in the six weeks holidays and now am fine with it two of my friends know but i want more to know i want to tell everyone but when it comes to it i just cant get the words out and it is so frustrating

February 8, 2013 at 4:14 pm
(31) Thomas d Bum says:

I know that i am gay is because every time i look at a woman i don’t ever get excited, but when i am looking or hanging with guys i am so excited and i think guys are so sexy, almost all my life i have dated and gone out with guys,always!! I really love to be with guys,ever since i have been 12 years old!!

April 3, 2013 at 5:19 pm
(32) Danny says:

I am a boy who is 14 and I have been seriously questioning my sexual orientation. I am now almost positive that I am gay. I live in Mormon Headquarters (Utah) and I don’t know how to come out to my parents (mom is Mormon but dad isnt). I am even more concerned about coming out to my friends who are heavily Mormon. I understand that if they are my REAL friends they will accept me for who I am. The biggest question that they will have is, “How do you know?” They are convinced that at our age we shouldn’t worry about who we like (we all do any way). I am just looking for a little bit of help.

April 16, 2013 at 11:42 pm
(33) Jack says:

Hi, I am 18 years old and is gay. I was on the football team for all four years and is considered a “jock” and popular. However, no one knows that I am gay. I used to have crushes on girls and I still “like” them emotionally but not sexually. But I have been in love with my best friend for four years. He is beautiful and is always there for me. But he thinks im the biggest ladies man as does everyone else. But im going to school with him next year and im very afraid what hell think of me if he knew I liked guys. I love him so much and would never want to lose him.

August 4, 2013 at 7:21 pm
(34) Eliot says:

Hey. I’m 15 and I’ve fancied my openly gay friend for a while. He suspects I’m gay but I’ve never properly come out to him. We always joke about him and I being gay together and I enjoy that but sometimes we’ll be getting on really well and I’ll feel sexual tension between us and he’ll say something horrible. Is he scared to admit there’s something there? Also, he likes this guy who I don’t really know but I hate him because my crush likes him, but I realise that’s probably just jealousy. I want to try something with him but I’m scared his nasty side will appear and he’ll tell everyone I’m gay. I’m not sure if I’m gay or bisexual because sometimes I think girls are attractive, but the thought of a vagina genuinely makes me feel sick. I think I’m gay but scared to admit I’m fully gay, so I hope I’m bisexual. I want to have kids and a family when I’m older, but I’m worried if I get married to a guy he won’t want to adopt. I actually think I love this guy, as cheesy as that sounds. Please somebody give me advice on anything you can. Also, I partially shared that in case any other people my age are thinking the same and I want them to know I’m not alone. Thanks for reading, sorry this comment’s so long. Bye :)

September 10, 2013 at 9:41 pm
(35) Jake says:

I am 14 and I have a gf but I like looking on guys butt what’s wrong with me

September 26, 2013 at 2:15 pm
(36) Jose R says:

I’m 16 Nd live in Houston, everytime I see a cute guy I get excited but when I see a cute girl I don’t :/ if I’m gay help me come out the closet ?

January 22, 2014 at 10:46 am
(37) Rhys says:

hi im rhys and im 18 and in college, ive been told I look gay and act gay by friends but I don’t think I am, I get a massive boner whenever I see or imagine a naked girl and I have had sex with a lot of girls but recently I don’t know whether I should have sex with a guy to check to see if im gay I mean its annoying because my parents hate gay people and they say that they will disown me if I turn gay, I get extremely turned on watching lesbian porn and I get absolutely nothing watching gay porn I don’t think im gay but I might need to check can anybody help me with this plz

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